Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The First Step To Teaching Your Man To Be a Better Lover - Kaye Wray

Many men resist “being taught” by a woman, even their wife or lover. All is not lost, however. With a few upgrades of your own skills, you can teach him a few tricks that will make sexual intimacy more fulfilling for you and, therefore, improve your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom (or wherever else you want to make love together).

Step Number One:

Know what you like and what you want.

If you don’t know what you like or what you want, you will never be able to teach someone else to participate in maximizing your pleasure. If you have not done so already, find time and space to explore your own body’s likes and dislikes.

For example: Take a long hot bubble bath and begin to stroke every inch of your skin. Start with your head or with your feet. Avoid genital stroking for now. This is the time to learn about the sensual possibilities of the rest of your body.

Note how different parts of your body seem to come alive with sensation as you caress each skin cell. Vary the speed and firmness or lightness of your stroking. Pay attention to your body’s sensations. Take your time. Explore as many of your body parts as possible. Your skin is a magnificently sensuous organ. Find out what it likes.

As your stroke yourself, pay attention to the sensations. You will note that some parts of your body, certain skin locations, seem to be directly connected to your clitoris and your vagina. This is a good thing. Enjoy. Even now, you need not move to genital stroking. Continue to enjoy and to explore other body parts and their sensuous possibilities.

Be Creative

The above exercise provides one exploration model for learning what your body likes. You will now have clues about what you might ask for during sexual intimacy. Be creative. Perhaps you will want to use massage oil rather than a bubble bath as the medium for exploration.

Making Step One Work for Both of You

Consider the following scenario: At dinner with Julio, you share that you found an article that taught you how to explore more of your own sensuous possibilities. You learned how to stroke your own body in ways that really turned you on. Ask Julio if he would be willing to let you show him what you learned. Tell him that you are eager to feel his hands moving over your body in some of the ways and places you discovered today.

Invite Julio to join you in the bubble bath. At the beginning of this joint exercise, remind him that one of the secrets for you is moving slowly through the specific kinds of stroking that you discovered today. Assure him that you will both be well rewarded.

Kaye Wray, Ph.D., has been a teacher and researcher for over 35 years. As a bisexual woman, she has spent most of her life paying attention to women’s sensuality and sexual responses. Acquiring information both from the perspective of how a woman receives optimum sexual pleasure and of how to provide optimum sexual pleasure to a woman, she is now sharing that information with couples who are serious about improving their relationships, with women who want to claim the fullness of their own sexual passions, and with men who want to be better lovers. For more information, go to http://www.lovingwomenwell.com

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