Saturday, May 27, 2006

Erectile Dysfunction: A Female Perspective - By Naoremromeo Meitei

Impotence may have far reaching consequences in the life of a woman than we normally believe it to be. Erectile dysfunction can shatter a woman’s life and keep her in emotional shambles, as much as it pricks the ego and hurt the chauvinistic pride of a man. Sex is a sacred union of two physical bodies, with the spiritual bonding of two hearts and souls into a single entity; it’s all about mutual sharing, satisfying one’s partner in the course of satisfying the self. When either one of the party fails to play its part, the relationship can gradually deteriorate, and if not mended in time, the couple may have to pay a heavy price. Well, the asking rate is high; healing the hurts of sexual dissatisfaction is no mean feat.

We keep talking of impotence or erectile dysfunction only from a man’s point of view, never for a moment pondering over what the female partner would be feeling. In most cases of ED, the female counterpart usually ends up an emotional wreck. Man, with a hurt pride, generally starts acting in strange ways to cover up the frustrations on his loss of manliness. At times, he even becomes violent with the female partner, ready to strike with deadly fangs, as and when he gets an opportunity. Instead of asking her for support or discussing the issue with her, he slowly drifts away from her for reasons best known to him alone.

Well, what do you expect of the woman, his partner? She might either move into her own shell and become a recluse, or at best rebel and get on with life the way she knows best.

The sexual built-up in a woman before sex has more to do with feelings and emotions than just plain physical cravings; it is a slow but steady progress that reaches its crescendo with a beautiful climax. In case of a man sex is more of a physical nature, with the built up and the slide down occurring at an almost instantaneous pace; it ends as quickly as it begins. Researches show that many women fail to get an orgasm or experience a blissful session of sex, even when their male partners have no erectile difficulties. Just imagine the gravity of the situation, when a man is hopelessly impotent.

Women feel neglected when men run away from erectile dysfunction, rather than facing it manly to regain a lost manhood. As a sexual partner she has every right to know about the problem; and as a life companion, she is entitled to at least some amount of trust from her man. If he fails to share his sexual problem with her, she may gradually lose her faith in the relationship.

There is a mother in every woman, and she would definitely love to calm the raging worries, soothe the inner pangs of failure and care for him to show that everything is OK, that erectile dysfunction is not the end of the road. If at all a man opens up, such touching elements of a female might even take their relationship to a different plane, a notch higher, resting on the emotional values of trust and faith.

Why do men fail to comprehend the fact that women can receive orgasm even without penetrative sex? The partner can definitely put their heads together and come up with novel ideas of enjoying the pleasures of sex that may not necessarily require the phallus. But when she is shut out, cut off and denied her role as a woman and a female partner to the union, the relationship may further sour and dour. Man never understands that he hurts a woman by hurting himself, (keeping his sexual problems to himself).

A woman’s mind is a bundle of contradictions, a fine mix of opposites; she is soft as the petals of a rose one moment, and the other moment she can suddenly turn into a goddess of stone, a statue sans feelings. When a man neglects his partner, time and again due to his ED problem, the initial feelings of sadness in her may turn into something bitter. She might suddenly lose her cool and start rebelling out of frustration at her partner failing to confide the problem that is too vital to be ignored in building a strong and successful relationship.

She might indulge in ways that may gain the interest and attention of the partner. Sometimes, the dissatisfaction and the annoyance of a barren sexual patch in their live may drive her to the extent of looking for other partners to satisfy her basic instincts of love, care and sex. The tender and soft appearance would develop thorns, making her rickety and unbalanced. When the cocky attitude of a man pushes a woman into a corner, she may react in different ways: the strong willed would try every possible ways to bring the zing back into their relationship, the more rebellious would move away and might even seek for legal separation, and it won’t come as a surprise if a few of them contemplate committing suicide.

The female mind is a lot more matured than the male’s consciousness, when it comes down to the emotional and spiritual side of sexuality. She can easily be a soothing balm to a man’s wounded pride, if at all he opens up to her. It is true that a man would need tremendous love and support, and a lot of patience from his female counterpart to successful come out from that invalid phase of his life. A woman, on her part, should try to reach out to her partner and let him know that she is there with him, all the way. She too must understand the effort taken by a man in revealing his hideous secret and be co-operative.

But a lot still rests on the male. A woman would always be ready to take him back into her arms, and start looking together for positive ways to overcome his erectile problems. Men need to understand the ordeal women have to go through for no fault of theirs. The open-minded approach of a man can easily build up the trust and faith, necessary for both the partners, to overcome the nightmares of erectile dysfunction.

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