Friday, February 24, 2006

Handcuffs or Stockings? – A Beginner's Guide To Bondage - By Lisa Mills

“Yes darling, I did put a note out for the milkman. Oh and by the way, I got us a great pair of handcuffs today.” You can’t introduce bondage into your marriage over the morning cornflakes! If you want to get some control in the bedroom then read on.

Imagine the scene. Mrs Average, married with 2.4 children, happily going hammer and tongs in the bedroom with Mr Average. Right in the throes of passion she announces that she is going to tie him up and produces some rope. Watch how quickly Major Woody becomes Major Droopy.

There is a right and a wrong way of introducing bondage into your marriage and that was definitely the wrong way.

The majority of us have never actually tried bondage so we cannot say whether we would like it or not. If you think about being tied up and losing control of a situation, there isn’t much to like. But if you add in a bit of sexual tension, then it becomes an entirely different situation.

When introducing bondage into a happy, stable relationship you need to do it gently. If your man ends up looking like Hannibal Lecter in Silence Of The Lambs, you have gone too far. Don’t build up your kit to include whips, chains, gags, rope, scrotum clamps, masks and expect your partner to look on the adventure with glee. I would suggest you start off with some very simple items, most of which you may already own.

“BONDAGE the activity of tying parts of a person's body so that they cannot move in order to get or give sexual pleasure.”

Rather than popping off to your local Ann Summers and purchasing a pair of expensive pink fluffy handcuffs, look around at home and see what else you could use to restrain your partner. I have previously used stockings, bras and liquorice shoelaces! The latter was a great choice because I often get the munchies later.

Bondage is sexy because it makes the participant rely on other senses to increase their sexual desire. If a person is restrained they can only use sight, taste, smell and sounds. All of your senses become more heightened when one sense is lost.

I would suggest you just playfully attempt to tie up your partner whilst engaging in foreplay. If you use stockings, bras or liquorice shoelaces they will feel far more comfortable than if you whipped out a pair of handcuffs. Their reaction will determine how you proceed.

To add more sexual tension, a blindfold is a must. Again think about what items you could use that you may already own. If your partner is that way inclined, put your used panties on his head. If that would cause him to run a mile (if he wasn’t already restrained!) perhaps use stockings again or some clean panties. If you are male I wouldn’t suggest you put your partners used panties on her head!

Many people also like to gag their partners (in or out of the bedroom in some cases!). A gag can be used to great effect to stifle the sounds of passion, but it is not for everyone.

Don’t think of bondage as all black masks, rubber outfits and metal restraints. It can be a truly erotic experience in a loving relationship. Start off gently and see how far you both want to go. is an adult guide to London with a sense of humour. Lisa Mills is a freelance writer who mainly writes for 24-7 London. She is willing and able to write an article for you if you like her style. Email her at for further details.

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