Thursday, February 02, 2006

An Exact Map to My G Spot - By Karen Fish

Here is an exact map to my G spot, precise directions for its stimulation, and an analysis of the hotly debated topic, “Is the G Spot a UFO type myth?” Human beings can fly spaceships to the end of the Universe, communicate with dead people, walk on water and part the Red Sea, but their scientists have not yet been able to determine whether female ejaculate from G spot stimulation is G Spot fluid or urine. You are about to find out the answer to this burning question.

While the world goes into contortions over the newly elected Hamas Government and the question of whether or not Iran should be allowed to build nuclear bombs, let us concern ourselves with more practical matters. In June of 2005 Iran’s new hard line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the son of a blacksmith, defeated former Eeranian President Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani in a runoff election. Many in the Muslim World are wondering where George Bush Jr. gets off acting like President Ahmadinejad’s mother. Others are wondering how a 6’4” man who blew up the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and just missed the White House has managed to hide among Munchkins for 5 years evading capture from the most sophisticated military in the history of life on Earth, with the capability of photographing your G spot from mystical satellites orbiting 10,000 miles above you. And still, the debate rages over whether the female ejaculate is urine or G Spot fluid. Perhaps a scientist should taste it. G spot fluid is clear and sweet. It’s Tropicana’s newest Patent Pending flavor.

The G spot is named after the famous German gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg. Joseph Lieberman is named after Joseph in the Holy Bible. Joseph’s bothers dug a hole in the ground and left him there to die. Joseph escaped and then became the Prince of Egypt. He was an excellent dream interpreter and pyramid renovator. When the land of Israel suffered a drought, Joseph’s 12 brothers traveled to Egypt in search of food. They approached Joseph but no one recognized him. They said to Joseph, “Pharaoh, please give us some sustenance so that we may eat.” Joseph replied, “You are not worthy of Graffenburg fluid.”

Here is the map to my G spot. I am laying on my back. You take your middle finger and insert it into the exact center of my vagina. Proceed up the top wall for approximately 2”. At this point your finger will descend into a valley. Keep going and you will leave the valley. Now you know that the valley is there. Now back up into the center of the valley. The exact center of the valley is the G spot. Now you need to know what to do with it.

This part is quite important. My girlfriend Lindsay had an unfortunate experience. Her boyfriend had found this internet site in his mailbox where he learned how to stimulate the G spot. He curled his index finger up and stroked Lindsay’s G spot hard. Two blood transfusions later at the Good Samaritan Hospital Lindsay came out of her coma. If you are not interested in 4 years of embarrassing litigation, when you insert your index finger into your girlfriend’s vagina, instead of curling your middle finger up, arch it backwards and use the under pad of your middle finger to gently caress your girlfriend’s G spot in circular motions, or back and forth, or up and down, as you lick her clitoris, alternating between fingering her rapidly until she experiences her first ever simultaneous vaginal, clitoral, G spot orgasm. You will know that you have hit pay dirt when the walls of her vagina clench your fingers, she ejaculates and she then drives you over to meet her parents.

The male penis generally curves upward. God created it this way so that it would stimulate the woman’s G spot during intercourse. This is why in actuality the ideal length for the male penis is 4 inches. Unfortunately, in some men the penis curves downwards. This can be corrected by a minor surgical procedure followed by 6 months of physiotherapy. The question arises, given the human biology, why do women prefer doggy style? During doggy style the normal man’s penis is stimulating the back wall instead of the front wall. The answer is that in doggy style the man’s penis is simulating the arched middle finger. It all depends on your position. This is Einstein’s theory of relativity. Whether you are a terrorist or a hero depends upon which side you are on. Are you the attacker or the attackee?

Good luck, and may the force be with you.

Karen Fish is a writer currently living in Los Angeles California. The World Peace Site

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How To Spot Cheating, End Nagging and Have The Best Sex Of Your Life! - By Sasha LeBaron

You deserve the best relationship in the universe and you have invested a lot of time into making yourself the best you can be to attract this person. So now you have found a system, attracted your perfect life partner and now things are going along smoothly, or are they?
There are always areas of improvement am I right? Oh I think so! Anyone who thinks they have it “all figured” out is missing some real juice in this life. As Tony Robbins said, “Constant and never ending improvement” it is the path to power.

In fact by making tiny, and I mean tiny improvements each and every day you can literally transform your life in a very short amount of time. So don't ever think you are finished! Your life deserves to be a masterpiece and that includes your relationships!

Alright, I can hear you thinking, when is he going to get to the point! So here it is!

While listening to an interview today and the guy was talking some *crazy* things about relationships. Some of the ideas he threw out for making relationships successful were so simple yet so profound I felt I had to share them with you.

Like this one: What is the one thing that will make your partner love you with all their heart... forever?

Give up? Its so simple, yet after thinking about it it makes so much sense. What makes you feel loved? When someone finds a perfect gift for you and gives it to you completely out of the blue, and its perfect. The answer is that simple. Small unexpected gifts.

If your partner collects Japanese fans and you know that go out and find one, pick it up, it might cost a few bucks but believe me, it will be worth it. Wrap it put a small card in and have it delivered to where your partner will get it. For no reason at all! That's the power of it. Don't do it to get out of the “doghouse” do it to build love. And it will.

Here is another great one. There will always be some friction in a relationship, would you agree? Not in a perfect one, you say? Well here's the real scoop. Without a bit of friction there is no heat! So get used to it!

But seriously, if you and your partner want to to end bickering and nagging on both sides forever, do this. Make a contract that when ever your partner tells you that what you are doing irritates them. Say, "I won't ever do ____ again." And don't. Expect the same from them. I am talking about simple things here. Toothpaste caps, beard stubble in the sink, folding laundry etc. If you do this with your partner with integrity and follow through you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship.

Now for a juicy one. Who here knows the number one key to amazing sex? Well I can see all sorts of things going through peoples minds and some of you are pretty kinky! But that's not it! Its so basic that it gets lost in the shuffle of Viagra, Kama Sutra and the Sex Show. Its this one thing that will skyrocket your sex life. Trust. In order for there to be true amazing, crazy sex you must have trust and her sister safety.

Now if you are into more extreme sorts of erotic play then this is even more important! So build trust with your partner. Ask them how they need to have it to feel safe and truly right for them. You will be happy with the results of that conversation.

And while we are on the subject here is one of my personal favorites. What is the most powerful aphrodisiac that you know. Oysters? Spanish Fly? A Vodka martini shaken not stirred? Well in my experience it is again so blindingly simple. When you want to have amazing connection and in many cases great sex too tell your truth! Not easy stuff, but things that make you choke up a bit or are really hard to get out. In almost every case I have found that this simple thing can totally transform an evening if not a whole relationship!

P.S. Here is another powerful secret that I learned today. The number one way to know if your partner is no longer only sleeping with you? Again its so simple you will kick yourself! He or she suddenly starts showering at strange times. Simple yet so many of us might miss it.

Now, if your sweetheart has just come home from the gym, freshly showered is to be expected. But if they are suddenly coming home from work freshly showered, or from some other place where showering is out of place, then keep your eye open. What you do with this information is up to you and there are always cases where its perfectly legit. In the end you have to trust your gut.

"If You Are Serious About Ending Loneliness Forever, Waving Goodbye To Dating And Having That Intense, Passionate, Committed, All Out Fantastic Relationship You Have Always Dreamed About, Then This Will Be The Most Important Message You Will Ever Read. Here Is Why"

Sasha LeBaron, personal coach and creator of the Find Your Perfect Life Partner System, lives on the west coast of British Columbia Canada. From his home there he helps people who are serious about finding Mr. or Ms. Right find the perfect life partner and build a world class relationship. Home Page

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