Saturday, July 29, 2006

Sexual Indiscretions in Marriage - By Avis Ward

I have a confession to make. First, you might be wondering, "why is this stranger confessing something to me?" I am a very opinionated person (that's not my confession) but I do not attempt to force my opinions on anyone else. I do, however, like to share them. My confession is, I enjoy giving advice about sex and lovemaking. I actually dressed that up a bit. The real confession is I like talking about sex and lovemaking. It's my opinion there is a difference between the two.

My 'sex education' came from my parents. Sex was not a taboo subject in our home. We were taught from an Anatomy and Physiology textbook and the Bible. We learned the proper anatomical names of the reproductive system and were free to ask questions for which we sought answers. I think my confession has more to do with my feeling comfortable and not embarassed or ashamed to talk freely and openly about a subject with great relevance to every consenting adult. Having biblical references, we were not necessarily taught abstinence but waiting until marriage because of etc. etc. etc. You get the idea. I will not talk about my own sexuality but about infidelity and confessions of husbands and wives [to me] and the importance of lovemaking in marriage.

We're shaped by our past and the environment in which we were reared. My siblings and I were loved very much by our parents and therefore didn't focus on the absence of the extravagances we can now enjoy. We were by all economic measurements, members of the lower class but by a set of different standards, we were high class members of society. The higher standards by which we were reared were measured by:

  1. Time spent together as a family unit
  2. The teaching of high morals by words and examples
  3. Respecting our family's name by being responsible and law-abiding citizens
  4. Loving God and everyone else
  5. And being the best we could be at every thing we did, especially in our studies. An education beyond high school was made available to each of us.

Money was not always in abundance but our needs were provided for by our parents. In other words, there wasn't much left over for extras but we had the necessities. What I remember most was the loving relationship my parents had from the time I was a toddler until Mother's demise. They were an amorous couple and that was a very comforting feeling as a child. I never worried about divorce between them and losing the security of family. I am thankful my parents provided this security and much more to their children. I always smile visibly and inside when I see married couples holding hands and discreetly leaning in for a quick kiss. I am always disturbed when the excuse given for infidelity is lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage. I would be highly insulted if any man, available or not approached me disrespectfully. I have no interest in changing what should be a circle of love into a triangle of deception. Furthermore, I think of myself as a leading lady and refuse to be placed in a supporting role. In my travels, primarily for work, I meet too many married people who are dishonoring their vows. I have heard enough reasons for their sexual indscretions and immoral behavior to fill a book. I'm a good listener and the sort who really doesn't meet a stranger. I enjoy engaging others in conversation and they soon begin to unload on their new stranger-friend. After all is said and done from them, I voice my opinion and after doing so, I know there will be no emails or phone calls from the exchanged business cards. I will not condone something if I am totally against it. I'll advocate divorce before I approve of adultery. I am not judging anyone for their actions because I have yet to attain perfection, which of course, I never will in this life. I spoke of being opinionated and will now list my top 10 opinions as it relates to marriage and physical intimacy.

  1. One spouse should not use lovemaking as a pawn or weapon against the other.
  2. Married couples are free to share (one-on-one) during intimacy as they desire provided both are in agreement. No one should be forced to do what they do not want to do but...
  3. If pleasure is derived by one partner and not the other, compromise should be considered.
  4. A spouse should always put the other's pleasure above their own; that way, you're both taking care of each other and no one feels deprived.
  5. There is more to lovemaking than penetration. There is sexual intimacy which encourages seduction and romance.
  6. Spouses should be open to discover, explore and experiment with each other.
  7. There should not be abstinence in marriage. (See #1)
  8. Lovemaking isn't about being serious all the time. Spouses should learn to be playful with each other as well, when sharing.
  9. Spouses should freely and openly discuss this part of their relationship.
  10. A man should be involved with his own wife; and a woman with her own husband for sexual intimacy.

There was a time when I was not faithful to what I believed. I would yield to temptation. At this point in my life, I have acquired the spiritual wisdom to be faithful to what I know is right and let others think what they will. I admire happily married couples. They are almost extinct and on the endangered species list. By saying "happily" married, do not think for one second I believe in fairy tales. Some people are equally yoked and are therefore better equipped to handle problems as they arise in their marriage. They have decided to honour marriage as Christ honoured the church. I know couples who are indeed happily married in every aspect of their relationship. Dear reader, if you are married, I desire the same happiness for you. If you are not happy, I suggest spiritual counseling and prayer. You may also want to take a look at this article.

Avis E. Ward is an anointed visionary, called to unite the personal, spiritual and political through Love. She is an Ambassador of Love, Inspirational Speaker, Event Planner and Certified Seminar Leader. Avis is also a Consultant to dental healthcare professionals in Case Acceptance and Marketing.

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